but the... by me

But I did lay there with my eyes closed and their hands around my neck

With my eyes closed, I closed them in an act of rational doing, the act committed by me on my own, that is, the act was permitted to be by my action
With their hands around my neck, even though a thought of possible violence had crawled into my brain through the scalp opening that I consciously keep for the purpose of saving myself in an emergency
With their hands around my neck, even though it was not my territory and nobody was coming to check whether I would be all right, nobody even knew exactly where I was
With their hands on my neck, after I laid down to float on the water in that pool, my friend said it was so original

But I did go there late at night knowing it was the end of the world and whatever happens will forever stay in this world and will never matter to any of us after the crushing mess of the apocalypse

But I did follow them, who were walking backwards into their cave

But I did come back every time I said I would

But I did look into their eyes as deeply as I was capable of, unlimited by how deep I could afford, as it was completely up to me and nothing stayed in the way, not even my own considerations of my own emotions

But I did let them look into my eyes the very same way, without limiting, disclosing all, as much as they were willing to see, it was all theirs

but I did
and so did they
and we are even

but stupid
and ...................