eclipses
it existed before but, in a cloak of the unfound, it never bothered, it never irked, it never burned
but here it is, forcefully stripped and grossly exposed, ugly, unexpected. it eclipses me
it existed all along, but was securely concealed, carefully undisturbed. we all calculated measurements for each other. but we miscalculated the collapse of time and the collapse of logic. the latter destroyed itself as the time protruded and left us only with taste. it left us with feeling and illumination of a glance. Unlike the Sophisticated-Diplomats-we-stood-in-front-of- each-other back then, in our madness, we now start foolishly manufacturing the truth, rebuilding our measurements.
without reliable foundation, our hysterical efforts fail us all. in the middle of the night we dream of making a step and in the real time we make a jerky movement with our feet underneath the blankets. we wake up with a feeling of failure.
we have built no foundation. we all failed ourselves.
back in that moment... circular existentialism. I was bleeding with burdensome writing. I was becoming a creature with ripped clothes and frizzy hair.
back in that moment it was happening. they were in love and they were bathing their art together. how could something happening so far away with no relation to what was happening to me at that point BURN with such pain later, now, at this moment.
and the worst is: all I have is time. wealth of time. the same will stay the same. nothing will progress or develop. just my thoughts and the prospect of them having to fight my state: little armies against the despotic tyrant.
that pain I remember, it echoes. window blinds. kissing. soaking up in the closeness of your breath and your skin.
marks on skin?
clearly not my intention to devote.
moment eclipsed. I lost my consciousness there with those words. I passed out.
how luscious are the moments of pure love. they are fleeting and unreliable, they will only happen once. too many loves will erase the meaningness of a simple embrace, the depth of a simple glance. the one, the only will stay a memory and nothing else. if this memory can ever be matched up with a feeling. if that feeling can ever unmistakably be brought up in the future with a lonely addition of a feeling of lonely...
I lost my consciousness. striking pain. but in my sick state of mind pain meant more then none of it. pain enriches me. oh the wealth of pain
"I *** not," - I uttered after an eternity passed us by. I heard my voice bounce off of the cluttered walls. had you noticed I passed out?
the only time we could ever meet, in your blushes and screams... Did you talk to me then? did you see me then?
we ate and cabbed away from each other. we had left each other to meet noone in particular, just the shadows of our supposed fans
and that was that, the pure moments erased by an event months later. climbing, reaching out, we have done it all. will there be an end?
but here it is, forcefully stripped and grossly exposed, ugly, unexpected. it eclipses me
it existed all along, but was securely concealed, carefully undisturbed. we all calculated measurements for each other. but we miscalculated the collapse of time and the collapse of logic. the latter destroyed itself as the time protruded and left us only with taste. it left us with feeling and illumination of a glance. Unlike the Sophisticated-Diplomats-we-stood-in-front-of- each-other back then, in our madness, we now start foolishly manufacturing the truth, rebuilding our measurements.
without reliable foundation, our hysterical efforts fail us all. in the middle of the night we dream of making a step and in the real time we make a jerky movement with our feet underneath the blankets. we wake up with a feeling of failure.
we have built no foundation. we all failed ourselves.
back in that moment... circular existentialism. I was bleeding with burdensome writing. I was becoming a creature with ripped clothes and frizzy hair.
back in that moment it was happening. they were in love and they were bathing their art together. how could something happening so far away with no relation to what was happening to me at that point BURN with such pain later, now, at this moment.
and the worst is: all I have is time. wealth of time. the same will stay the same. nothing will progress or develop. just my thoughts and the prospect of them having to fight my state: little armies against the despotic tyrant.
that pain I remember, it echoes. window blinds. kissing. soaking up in the closeness of your breath and your skin.
marks on skin?
clearly not my intention to devote.
moment eclipsed. I lost my consciousness there with those words. I passed out.
how luscious are the moments of pure love. they are fleeting and unreliable, they will only happen once. too many loves will erase the meaningness of a simple embrace, the depth of a simple glance. the one, the only will stay a memory and nothing else. if this memory can ever be matched up with a feeling. if that feeling can ever unmistakably be brought up in the future with a lonely addition of a feeling of lonely...
I lost my consciousness. striking pain. but in my sick state of mind pain meant more then none of it. pain enriches me. oh the wealth of pain
"I *** not," - I uttered after an eternity passed us by. I heard my voice bounce off of the cluttered walls. had you noticed I passed out?
the only time we could ever meet, in your blushes and screams... Did you talk to me then? did you see me then?
we ate and cabbed away from each other. we had left each other to meet noone in particular, just the shadows of our supposed fans
and that was that, the pure moments erased by an event months later. climbing, reaching out, we have done it all. will there be an end?
posted by Zosja at 7:04 PM
10 Comments:
it didn't fall off... you put a band-aid on it... remember?
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to be read more than twice and picked over gently; thanks.
thanks for a funny, but the diem is gone, not a glimpse of it to carpe
really? no
this took me places, thanks
I dig it. Growth is sometimes painful. Do not make the mistake of believing that pain is the only gauge by which to measure the wealth of your experiences.
thanks, jesse, I don't think I will make this mistake. But it's good to make a conscious effort. I just find that pain is too familiar of a host of our experiences. and when it eclipses something warm and unrecognizably new, we feel almost grateful for its timely occurence. it brings sense.
oh no way, floozy, I don't want any injuries for anyone especially for such a reasonable man get off my case
the best revenge is success anyway. so I'm just gonna go and be successful for a change how's that
oh and floozy, darling, I don't want to dirty the wonderfully pleasing picture on your blog with the number 17 and then ANOTHER 17 so close to one another and so symmetrical. but you're right this is first degree fun I myself started it with an intention to stay reasonable but you guys have kicked it out of me. amused amused I am so amused
but serious too
first degree serious
law school serious
I am very serious
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